In Pursuit of Happyness

Time flies so fast. Its already mid febuary today. The Chinese celebrated their new year yesterday. I think I have missed a lot this year. I have been so busy with my dissertation and other courseworks. University life is hard especially in the final year. I wished that I had spent more time inLondon during my first and my second year. What would I be today if I did so? Drop out of university? or maybe great things would have happened. But so far it has been great. At least I never had to repeat an exam or repeat the whole year. I am worried with my last term exams. It was the hardest exams ever. I am afraid if I fail any of it. Which I think I will. I don’t know what am I going to do if I fail any exams.

There are so many burdens on my chest. If I fail, I cannot repeat or re-sit for any of it because its the university policy towards final year student. Its either you pack your bags or repeat the whole year. I do not want to do that. It cost my family a fortune to send their son to London. It cost my dad a fortune to send me abroad. I would like to talk to him about my problems, but its hard to explain anything to him.

The main reason I am unable to cope with my final year is because I am not motivated enough to face it. In my first two years in London was different. I get my motivation mainly from traveling. But in the third year is a different thing. As you grow older and became more mature, you want different things. Even though I am still 20, I consider myself to be matured as other third year student or maybe even more matured than them.The thing is, I know what can keep me motivated.

What I want is a guaranteed job abroad after I graduate. I do not want to go back to Malaysia yet. I believe there are more things that I could learn when I am abroad. Not that, I know everything about Malaysia. But I want to learn new things and take the Ideas from other countries or continents and bring it back home with me to Malaysia. Getting job is very hard in London. Its very competitive and its difficult to get a job in the finance industry. Especially with the big four. I really want to be a ‘City boys’. I have my own specialty especially in the Islamic Finance section. Primarily Islamic Equities. Its booming in  London. But It is so hard to get one here in London. Because, most of the funds are managed by the big boys.

I need to clear my mind from all the stress that I am having. I hope that I could do so by the end of the week. I cannot wait to go to Edinburgh this weekend. I hope that I will able to sort out my problems, clear my mind and relax while I am there.